Dr. Rachel Docekal, MBA, Ed.D – Chief Executive Officer
Discussing alcohol with your child can feel overwhelming, but it’s an important conversation that can shape their understanding and choices. Open and honest communication is key, and starting these discussions early can help your child navigate social pressures as they grow older. This article will guide you through how to approach these conversations in a way that fosters trust, reduces fear, and provides clarity.
Why It’s Important to Talk to Your Child About Alcohol
Children are naturally curious, and as they grow, they’ll likely encounter alcohol in some form—whether through friends, media, or observing adults. Waiting until they are teenagers may be too late. By discussing alcohol early, you help demystify it and give your child the tools to make informed choices later in life. Even if you think your child isn’t aware of alcohol, they may still sense its presence, especially if they see it in family or social situations.
When Hanley Foundation began its evidence-based youth prevention work in the late 1990s, the age of first use for youth under the age of 21 was 9 ½ years! Our work has made an impact – today that age is 14 years – still far too young.
How to Start the Conversation
When approaching the subject of alcohol, it’s crucial to create a safe and open environment for discussion. This shouldn’t be a one-time talk but an ongoing conversation as your child grows and their understanding deepens. Start by asking open-ended questions that encourage your child to share their thoughts. For instance, you might ask, “What do you know about alcohol?” or “What effects do you think alcohol has on the person drinking?”
As you speak, it’s important to listen—really listen—to their responses. This helps you understand what they already know and what concerns they may have.
Addressing Curiosity and Myths
Children often have misconceptions about alcohol. During our Alcohol Literacy Challenge prevention program, we ask middle schoolers what effects alcohol has on people. Their answers are typically in line with alcohol advertising. “It makes you have fun,” “You can dance better,” and “It makes you funnier” (these are actual responses, by the way!). They might believe it’s harmless because they see people drinking socially or that “everyone is doing it.”
Take time to correct any myths using language they can understand. For younger children, you might explain that while alcohol is something adults are allowed to have, it’s not something children should drink because it can make them sick or affect their ability to grow strong and healthy.
For older kids, you can delve deeper into the health risks of alcohol, including how it distorts emotions, making you feel confident or happy; it impairs judgment and increases the likelihood of risky behaviors; and it impairs coordination and reaction time. It’s also important for kids to know that studies show that 85% of kids do not drink!
Emphasizing Responsibility and Safety
As your child matures, they’ll encounter situations where they may need to make decisions about alcohol. Teach them how to navigate social situations safely. For instance, you can roleplay scenarios where a friend offers them a drink, helping them practice ways to decline without feeling awkward. Explain the risks of underage drinking in terms they can relate to, like how it could affect their ability to participate in their favorite activities.
Navigating Peer Pressure
One of the most challenging aspects of growing up is learning how to deal with peer pressure. Help your child understand that it’s okay to say “no” to alcohol, even if it feels uncomfortable in the moment. Reassure them that making healthy choices will always be something they can feel proud of. Offering practical alternatives, like suggesting leaving an unsafe situation, can empower them.
When my girls were that age, we roleplayed the situation. First and foremost, they knew that no matter where or when I would come and pick them up – all they needed to do was call. Second, we had a code that we practiced. If they felt pressured, they could call and say, “Mom, I have a migraine. What should I do?” I knew this was code for “Come get me!” I would play along in case anyone was listening, “Honey, I had better come and get you right away before the headache gets worse. Where are you?”
Using Everyday Moments for Education
You don’t need to wait for a specific “teachable moment” to talk to your child about alcohol. Use everyday situations, like watching a movie where characters are drinking or attending a family gathering, to start conversations. For instance, if you’re at a party and people are drinking responsibly, you can explain the difference between moderate drinking and alcohol misuse. If a character in a TV show is portrayed drinking heavily, you can ask your child what they think about it and discuss the consequences shown.
Seeking Resources Together
Providing age-appropriate resources can help your child better understand alcohol and its effects. Whether through books, educational websites, or family chatter at the dinner table, make it clear that learning about alcohol is an ongoing process. For younger children, programs like Sesame Street can provide relatable characters and simple messages about health and safety. For older kids and teens, organizations like the National Association for Children of Addiction (NACoA) offer resources that are both educational and engaging.
Talk Early, Talk Often, Talk Age Appropriate
When you talk to your child about alcohol it doesn’t have to be stressful or overwhelming. By fostering an environment of trust, staying open to their questions, and using ongoing conversations, you help prepare your child to make informed, responsible choices about alcohol as they grow. Remember, you’re their most important guide, and your approach to discussing alcohol will influence how they view it in their own life.
By starting the conversation early, staying open, and using the tools at your disposal, you can make a significant impact on how your child approaches alcohol in the future.
Hanley Foundation is devoted to reshaping the narrative of addiction through prevention, advocacy, treatment, and recovery support. Our comprehensive prevention education programs have positively impacted Florida’s communities, making us the largest prevention services provider. For over four decades, our treatment facility, Hanley Center, has offered private, confidential, and personalized addiction and mental health care, surrounded by a tranquil tropical setting that promotes healing and recovery.
