Dr. Rachel Docekal, MBA, Ed.D. – Chief Executive Officer
In today’s fast-paced world, mental health is as important as physical health—yet it’s often overlooked in conversations with our children. Many parents struggle to approach this topic due to stigma, lack of awareness, or the simple discomfort of discussing complex emotions. However, having open conversations about mental health can help kids develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and coping skills that will benefit them throughout their lives. Plus, research shows that children who understand their own emotions act – and react – to others with greater levels of empathy and kindness.
Here’s a guide to help you talk to your kids about mental health in a supportive, approachable, and age-appropriate way.
Normalize the Conversation Early
Mental health is not a “taboo” subject. Just like you’d talk to your child about keeping their body healthy—eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep—it’s important to talk about how to keep their mind healthy. Start these conversations early so they understand that it’s okay to talk about feelings and mental well-being.
For Younger Kids:
A great place to start is helping your child learn to identify and name their emotions. Following are a few ideas that have worked well for me:
- Draw faces with different emotions and have children guess what emotion the face is “feeling.”
- Building on the first idea, make funny faces to each other, depicting different emotions, and guess what emotion each other is feeling.
- An easy way to teach children to label their own emotions is by engaging them in conversation (e.g., it looks like you are feeling sad that your friend can’t come over; what can we do to help you feel better?)
- Read to your child. I love the book When I See Red by Britta Teckentrup. She helps children name the feeling of anger – and then move back into a state of calm. Todd Parr’s books also have always been a wonderful way to explore ideas with my two children. As a side note, I had the opportunity to meet Mr. Parr in the early 2000s and he is simply terrific! His book, The Feelings Book, helps children to explore feelings through mimicry.
- Mealtimes are a great time to share how you’re feeling. Describe a situation that makes you feel a particular emotion (e.g., happy, sad, frustrated, angry, jealous, etc.). I always find my children like to hear about my experiences. Ask your children to share a story or situation that makes them feel that same emotion.
If you find yourself in a situation where you recognize your child is feeling a particular emotion (for example sadness), you can explain that just as we go to the doctor when we’re physically sick, we sometimes need help when we feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed. You might say something like:
- “Sometimes we feel happy, sometimes we feel sad, and that’s okay. It’s important to talk about our feelings when they get too big for us to handle by ourselves.”
For Older Kids:
As your kids grow, conversations can evolve. (As an aside, the plural was intentional – these conversations are never a “one and done” – the best thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open and going). Talk about the importance of self-awareness and managing emotions, and encourage them to reflect on their mental health regularly. A simple question like, “How are you feeling mentally and emotionally?” can go a long way. I once asked my older daughter how she was feeling emotionally when I picked her up from middle school. Her reply? “Mom, I’m so happy. Today was the BEST selfie day ever!!” I remember that day fondly. I loved sharing her joy (even if it was about selfies!) and I would not have had that opportunity had I not asked.
Encourage Emotional Expression
One of the most significant ways you can support your child’s mental health is by encouraging them to express their emotions. Help them understand that it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or anxious and that everyone has bad days. The key is to talk about those feelings and find ways to cope with them.
- Teach them emotional vocabulary: Help your child name their emotions, whether they feel happy, nervous, embarrassed, sad, angry, or scared. Having the words to describe how they feel empowers them to express those emotions in a healthy way. When my kids were little, we had an emotion of the day. On the way to school, we would each name how we were feeling, and then explain why.
- Listen actively: When your child shares their feelings, listen without judgment or interruption. Let them know that their emotions are valid and that you are there to support them, no matter what. You may say something like, “When I was your age, I would feel nervous before a big test, too. I still feel nervous sometimes. When I do, I take three deep breaths, and it helps me to feel better.”
Break Down Mental Health Stigmas
Unfortunately, mental health is still a subject surrounded by stigma. Some children may feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit they are struggling. It’s important to challenge these stigmas early on by framing mental health care as a normal, healthy part of life.
- Lead by example: Talk about your own emotions and mental health when appropriate. Share how you handle stress (for example) or what you do to feel better when you’re having a rough day. This shows that mental health isn’t something to be hidden, but something to be managed like any other part of life.
- Challenge stereotypes: If your child hears or sees others making negative comments about mental health or showing emotion, take the opportunity to explain that emotions are natural, and expressing them is important.
Address Anxiety, Stress, and Depression Head-On
As children grow, they may encounter anxiety, stress, or even depression—whether due to school pressures, peer relationships, or social media. Address these topics openly, and help your child recognize when they may need support. Some signs to watch for include:
- Withdrawal from family or friends
- Significant changes in eating or sleeping habits, including having low-energy
- Mood swings, irritability or a sad or bad mood
- Feeling worthlessness and being self-critical
- Lack of interest in activities they once enjoyed
- Trouble concentrating or a decline in school performance
- Acting out, being disruptive or argumentative, increased risk-taking, and self-harm
The other signs to watch for are ongoing physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, or other ailments. If your child is struggling, remind them that mental health challenges are common and that there are effective ways to get help.
Teach Coping Strategies
One of the most critical aspects of mental health is developing healthy coping mechanisms. Your child can use these skills when they feel overwhelmed by stress or emotions. Teach them ways to manage their mental health in everyday life, such as:
- Deep breathing: Teach your child simple breathing exercises to calm their mind when anxious.
- Physical activity: Regular exercise, even if it’s just a short walk or playing outside, can help release endorphins and improve mood.
- Creative outlets: Encourage your child to express themselves through art, music, writing, or other creative activities. These can be a great way to process emotions.
- Talking it out: Sometimes, just talking about what’s bothering them can lighten the emotional load. Encourage your child to come to you, another trusted adult, or a friend whenever they need to talk.
Discuss When to Seek Professional Help
While parents can provide invaluable emotional support, it’s important to recognize when a child may need professional help. Therapy or counseling can be incredibly beneficial, especially if your child is experiencing prolonged sadness, anxiety, or behavioral changes. Let them know that seeing a therapist is just like going to a doctor for a physical illness—there’s no shame in it.
- You can say, “Sometimes, talking to a professional can help us understand our feelings better. It’s not something to be afraid of; it’s a tool to help us feel our best.”
Ensure your child knows that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Keep the Conversation Ongoing
Mental health is not a one-time conversation. Keep checking in with your child about how they’re feeling. Sometimes, kids won’t share everything in one sitting, and that’s okay. What’s important is that they know the door is always open to discuss their emotions when they’re ready.
Conclusion
Talking to your kids about mental health is one of the best things you can do to support their overall well-being. By normalizing these conversations, encouraging emotional expression, and providing tools for coping with life’s ups and downs, you are empowering them to take charge of their mental health. Remember, being a consistent source of support and love will help your children feel comfortable coming to you when they need it most.
Let’s work together to create a generation that’s not afraid to talk about their mental health—and get them the help they need to thrive.
Hanley Foundation is devoted to reshaping the narrative of addiction through prevention, advocacy, treatment, and recovery support. Our comprehensive prevention education programs have positively impacted Florida’s communities, making us the largest prevention services provider. For over four decades, our treatment facility, Hanley Center, has offered private, confidential, and personalized addiction and mental health care, surrounded by a tranquil tropical setting that promotes healing and recovery.
